sorry for a long time no see, I've been dead almost everywhere lately to be honest...
though i do plan on making a comeback once I sort out a few affairs and since you guys are my only safe venting haven left now (most people IRL know my other accounts now) I guess i should unfold my feeling here
so sorry for this just skip this journal and I can promise some art soon!
things have been rough
I won't lie
first things first, My rat Loki had to be put to sleep, after a life long battle with myco, he ended up severely ill and unable to move or do anything, so I took him to the vets to be euthanised, his brother Ben is still alive but he also has chronic myco symptoms though i have some medicine I can give him when that flares up, so he should be okay for a while.
I'm still pretty sad about it even though its been a few weeks, I tried a lot of things to hope for Loki's recovery but when it got to the point i was feeding him water through a syringe and he seemed in pain constantly I couldn't let it go on.
The last time he lifted his head was when I said his name, but he couldn't do it again...at least he is not in pain anymore and maybe somewhere he can be happy and healthy.
in other news the university stresses still pile themselves up for me but I'm dealing okay
though on the side of relationships maybe not so okay,
so it seems again I am shamelessly coming to you guys for relationship advice...
My boyfriend, (who I have mentioned in previous posts) whom I have been with for almost a year now
seems to constantly shoot down my opinions on things even if I am right or turn out to be right
this started off with me being passive about it but as time has went by it bothers me more and more and I almost feel as though he views me as incompetent on my own as he has made many comments about little things
me simply stating:
I hope game/anime here gets a dub/sequel
causes him to tell me why it wont because reason A , B or C
or me stating why i think "this"
will cause him to say why he disagrees with me and things "that"
now this wouldn't bother me except its all the time, not just every now and then.
he also on several occasions has joked about the things I say being dumb and how they are like dumb lines you'd get written on t-shirts.
I really started to notice this at a x/y pokemon tournement where we teamed up to fight two other people
he basically started telling me what to do during the match and what moves to pick so we could win and it just ended up with me doing exactly what he said rather than working as a team
heck when he first tried to tell me what to do I argued with him but gave up since there were other people there and i didn't want to be made a fool of
but it really got me thinking since we were arguing over something as trivial as pokemon and the fact he didn't even trust me to use attacks in a video game really made me feel stupid
and this is not even concerning the issue of how whenever I bring up something he has done to upset me he starts saying the things I am doing wrong/done wrong and it ends with me saying sorry really...
I could go on and on with this but I'd be here far too long
this on top of recent events has just made me feel so drained and the thing is I ant really talk to him about it because he will simply bring up the things that i fail at (mostly being romantic and close, since im pretty anxious, to which he eventually concludes this to him being the only one putting effort into the relationship, despite me telling him im trying and him having shot me down when i've been bold enough to initiate anything).
I mean, he does buy me nice things and say nice things sometimes too but that just confuses thing further for me
he says he loves me and would do anything for me , but then this...I really don't know what to do
sorry about that...im just so lost, I miss the days of just posting animations on youtube and having fun i really do